Politically Correct

I had an interesting experience this week which made me think about a few things that I thought might be helpful to others to ponder on.
An old aquaintance and I had "friended up" in the past year on Facebook.  We were all newly discovering FB and finding people we had lost touch with over the years.  She was someone I had some mixed feelings about from our teen years but since we are now in our 50s I figured it would be ineteresting to catch up.
We did a little bit of writing back and forth but nothing much seemed to come of it.  She did not have a presence on FB as far as I knew since I never saw her posting anything nor did I ever see her responding to anyone elses posts.
This week I got a very respectful email from her saying she was going to "defriend" (yes it is a new word in the dictionary this year) off of FB because she was having trouble with my posts about my workouts.  Her reasons were these:  #1 It was hard for her to read about my workouts while people are suffering in Haiti, #2 she has her own issues with weight and #3 she works with women who have eating disorders and thinks all of the press and focus on looking good are bad messages to be giving women.
She said she hoped I wouldn't be offended by this and that we could continue to be friends but that she was going to focus on using FB to fundraise money for Haiti.
This triggered a bit of shame initially which I talked my way out of and then I began to think about the whole issue...facebook....politics....what people think of us based on our actions vs who we believe ourselves to be.
If we have healthy boundaries we know that people can make up things about us all the time but it doesn't mean it's true.
In the year I have been doing the extreme workouts with P90X and Turbo Jam I have not really lost weight.  There are times that this bothers me but mostly I am so proud of myself that I have the stamina to keep going and am able to tone up and get healthy in so many ways that I don't even really focus on the weight anymore.  I feel good about myself.
When I talk to people about the products I am responding to their concerns about a number of issues:  weight, heart health, stamina, and especially emotional health.  People are feeling depressed and anxious and are having a hard time getting motivated to do anything to get themselves out of it.  Research has shown that exercise plays a big part in helping people overcome anxiety and depression.  Most people I know are not really hoping to end up looking like Barbie.  They want to feel good about themselves, to be proud of their bodies and feel comfortable in their own skin.  We don't have to look like Barbies to get there.  Beachbody provides a sense of community that has helped me stay connected and motivated to keep on pushing play.
When I share a workout on FB I do so because I am proud that I have been able to workout at the level I am.  And if sharing that helps someone else get excited about it, that would make me proud too. 
I work hard in my job and put in a lot of hours and when I come home and push myself to work out hard I feel good to be me.  I have felt more at peace, more relaxed and happy since I've been working hard at it.
I hope I am not giving women the idea that they have to be thin to be happy.  I sure don't believe it myself so I hope that isn't the story people make up about me.
The next issue here that I find so interesting is politics.  I think  people can be very competitive and judgemental about their political beliefs and I have found that increasingly difficult to stomach.
My response to this aquaintance was that I believe I can be a good person, act responsibly in my politics and relationships and still take care of me.  I do not believe I have to submerge myself in reading everything or give all my money away or spend every waking hour working on a political issue in order to call myself a good political activist.
I believe that most horrible things happen in the world out of greed and because people have been able to view other people, animals, countries etc as subhuman and less than themselves.  I don't believe I can go out and effect change all by myself on these global issues and so I focus on what I can do.
In my personal ife I have made a commitment to be non-violent.  That means I am committed to not being verbally violent to others and that I do not be violent inside my head to myself either.  I work hard to say what I need to say to others while taking responsibility for my own interpretations of events and that I MAKE MYSELF have the feelings I have.  I try to take the words "but" and "make me" out of my vocabulary.
I am not perfect and every time I work at it I see this as a POLITICAL ACT.
In my work with people I am helping them figure out their relationships and lives and feelings about themselves hoping to help them to be kinder to themselves and others.  To accept themselves and be the best person they want to be.
We stumble and bumble and sometimes we fall and I see all of this as a POLITICAL ACT.
When I talk to a bunch of teenagers (as I did this morning) about how they feel about not being able to talk to their parents or about being bullied at school and I help them brainstorm options and support them to keep trying to stand up for themelves, I see it as a POLITICAL ACT.
When I make a call and talk to someone in customer service who is either rude or not helpful I could choose to get grandiose and be mean to them, to put them down and swear but instead I remember they are just another person who is trying to do their job and that they probably have people yelling at them all day (as that is the new phone etiquette).
When driving down the road and someone cuts me off, or doesn't let me merge, or is too busy talking on their cell phone to pay attention and they make mistakes, it would be easy to swear or give the the finger (or, as some do, try to run them off the road). 
Here are some things I say to myself when others get grandiose with me or when I feel like going one-up on someone else:
We were all born naked (and equal).  No one is inherently better or worth more than anyone else.
No one else can define me except me.
We all have to live on the planet together.  We are cohabitants and depend on each other and deserve respect.
That could have been me, or
That could be my parent or grandparent driving and I'd want them to be able to function independently even tho they are slow and making mistakes

All of this I believe to be POLITICAL ACTS.

Sure, I give money and sign petitions.  I post political issues on my FB for anyone who's interested.  I talk to people about what I believe.

But my biggest political act, I believe, is to be the best person I want to be and to help others achieve the best for themselves.

Lastly, I see FB as a fun way to connect and keep in touch with people and let them know what I'm up to.  It can be a fun way to get slaphappy taking dumb quizzes with your old childhood friends.  It can be a way to make people aware of political issues, breaking news.....I like to share jokes and funny or beautiful videos.  What I put on FB is an attempt  to share who I am.
Anyone of us can block or "defriend" anyone at any time.  If anyone decides they don't like who I am, or if they don't like reading my posts....they should feel free to put a block on me or defriend me altogether.  We are all adults and have free will and I'd ahte to think anyone was keeping me as a friend because they were scared of my reaction.

Be the best person you want to be, take care of yourself and commit to nonviolence and respect in your life.

That's acting POLITICALLY!

Career Dilemmas

If you know anyone who is searching for a job who could use a little direction or a place to have someone critique their resume, check out my friend, Lisa Thomas' website:

www.changeyourjob.us

Get on the newsletter list and get weekly information that helps you think through job seeking efforts and might inspire you to head in a different direction or give you new energy for the path you are already on.
Have her critique your resume and coach you on your job-seeking plans.

Tart Cherry Bomb

Just a quick note: if you're looking for increased focus, energy, and natural pain relief...try our:

TART CHERRY BOMB !


1 scoop SPARK (see the link on my blog at right)
2 Tablespoons Tart Cherry Concentrate                                     
2 teaspoons Wellese Joint Movement

Mix all in a 12 oz. bottle of water and drink!

This has helped with joint movement. Spark is sugar free and helps me perk up and focus naturally in the middle of the day without the irritating jitters of caffiene.                                              
                                                                                                                                  
                                                                                     

Stop Drinking Sodas and Sugary Drinks

Check out this article:

www.care2.com/causes/health-policy/blog/cant_lose_weight_sodas_dirty_little_secret/

I used to love my diet soda with a slice of lime until I learned what happens with aspertame.  This video about sugary soft drinks makes the whole idea repulsive!

Sleep, Wonderful Sleep.....

One of the biggest problems for most people's mental health is that they don't get enough sleep and the sleep they do get is not deep enough to give them restful sleep.
When we don't have enough sleep we have more anxiety, get more depressed and feel overwhelmed by things we can usually manage when we are well rested.
One of the first questions I ask people when they come to see me is if they are sleeping well.  I'd say upwards of 80% report sleep problems of one kind or another.  They either have trouble falling asleep or wake up repeatedly during the night and often can't fall back to sleep.
I found this interesting article that addresses some of the ways people sabotage their own sleep:
www.care2.com/greenliving/top-10-sleep-mistakes-and-their-solutions.html

Once you have a pattern of disrupted sleep it creates itself as a pattern and needs to be broken.  Just like having depression over an extended period of time may change your body chemistry, so does lack of sleep.
Try getting yourself to sleep regularly for an extended period of time and see if that doesn't help improve your mood.

Working Out and Getting Fit

How does working out fit in with all of my beliefs?  There are a several ways to approach this (I always say two and end up having more so now I just say "several").
ONE:  To be honest, the #1 reason is that being fit makes me feel better about who I am.  For most people, especially women, how they look determines a lot of how they feel about themselves.  I am not saying that it is the only thing that makes me feel good about myself, but it certainly plays an important role.
TWO:  I'd like to live a long life and all the research shows we live longer and happier lives if we take care of the body we live in.
THREE:  Exercise and eating right helps me maintain peace and equilibrium emotionally.  Having a regular workout, exerting physical energy balances me out and helps me feel more relaxed and calm the rest of the week.
FOUR:  Working out and exercising is something I can share with others, whether it's dancing or doing my Beachbody workouts, I am able to do it with friends.  Having good workout buddies can provide motivation for exercise as well as a fun way to share time.
In my life "exercise" seemed always to be something I HAD to do rather than something I DESIRED doing.  Except for dancing.  I'd make myself workout from time to time or get involved in some sport or go to aerobics classes.  I never really enjoyed anything except the dancing.
West coast swing became my dance passion and I learned to enjoy running on an elliptical because I could listen to music and read so the hour went by quickly (less painful that way).  Dancing was a great way to meet nice people, get out and socialize and burn calories.  But actual down-and-dirty exercising seemed to be something that others did, not me.
So last February I was trying to get David motivated to work out and it seemed the only way to do it was to join him.  We started P90X.  I really did not think I would be able to do any of the workouts.  Figured I'd just humor him and fake it long enough for him to get going.  I decided to only do what I could do and not worry about it.
Not only was I capable of doing everything (except pullups and pushups initially), I found myself really enjoying the whole experience!  My muscles were getting harder and I was finding muscles where I had never found them before.  My back and neck pain got increasingly less annoying as I built up core strength.  I was less anxious and felt more positive about my life.
In the past I had looked forward to coming home after a long day of work to knit and watch movies.  I started coming home at 8 pm raring to go, ready to get my workout of the day in before going to bed.
Everything has only gotten easier.  I spent some time doing the Turbo Jam series which is also a great workout and am now starting my third round of P90X.  This time I am doing the Lean Plan, trying to keep building on my upper body strength so I can get even better at pushups (which I have been doing for a few months without needing to be on my knees).
I've done other video home exercise programs and never felt like I got this much out of it before.  They keep my interest and every time I do a workout I learn more.  Each time I reach a new level of mastery I hear the trainer's instructions differently and can push myself harder.
My goal is to tighten EVERYTHING up and maintain the tone so aging can be a more graceful experience.
We are so excited about the whole thing that we want to tell everyone about it and invite everyone to join us.  We work out at home.  Come join us!  You want to work out with your friends and family somewhere else?  Ask us and we'll come groove with you somewhere else!

Dragonfly Symbolism in My Life and Work

So, I had my first request for a topic.  Someone asked me to talk a bit about why I have an affinity for dragonflies, why there is one on my blog and why they are all over my office.....
Actually I want to go back to my childhood, my earliest recollections of dragonflies are of fear.  As a child I didn't know if they would hurt me like the other nasty flying bugs (mosquitoes and bees to name a couple) and so I avoided them.
Once I learned that they were harmless creatures I enjoyed watching them buzz around on a hot summer day as we swam and floated around on the lake at Circle Pines Center (my childhood summer camp).  They were silent and moved so smoothly, they were beautiful to watch.
As an adult I started seeing beautiful artistic renditions of dragonflies and found myself drawn to the stirring beauty and colors.  I started to collect pieces of art with dragonflies before I even knew about their significance.  I was mesmerized and didn't know why.
A client referred me to some websites that talked about how dragonflies are created, how they live and what meaning this has had in various cultures:

The meaning of a dragonfly changes with each culture. The main symbolisms of the dragonfly are renewal, positive force and the power of life in general.  Dragonflies can also be a symbol of the sense of self that comes with maturity. Also, as a creature of the wind, the dragonfly frequently represents change.  And as a dragonfly lives a short life, it knows it must live its life to the fullest with the short time it has – which is a lesson for all of us. 

There are many different representations of the dragonfly; it all comes down to which culture you happen to be in.  For instance, if you are in Japan, the dragonfly symbolizes a new light and joy. Some animal symbolism has the dragonfly representing good luck, prosperity, swiftness, purity, harmony and strength. Some Native Americans believe dragonflies are the souls of the dead. There are also many cultures that believe that the meaning of a dragonfly is happiness, courage and subconscious thoughts. It is also believed that if you see two dragonflies paired together that they represent love and maturity.    

The dragonfly has been a symbol of happiness, new beginnings and
change for many centuries and even though the representation of the dragonfly seems to change throughout the cultures, there are still a few things that are similar; the dragonfly means hope, change and love. 

For several years before reading this I had been thinking about the evolutionary nature of life.  How we are all in a process, oftentimes subconsciously moving towards growth and change.  Even when we feel hopeless and helpless about our lives, our subconscious is always moving forward.  Our subconscious always wants the best for us.  It wants health and happiness even when we aren't sure we do....even when we don't know what that  means ....even when we have given up hope.  I have always said to myself and my clients, "trust your process"....We don't always have to be working so hard at growth and change...sometimes when we work too hard at it, we get in our own way and slow things down.

I have seen in my own life how much I learn every day, every month and year.  I have seen how much I have been able to grow and learn and change.  Each step I have taken towards health has paid off no matter how big a step it was, it moved me forwards.

I was able to make so much emotional growth over the years that I actually felt a metamorphosis had occurred.  I had gone from darkness into light.  I had come into my own.  I found I could truly be the best person I wanted to be.

A dragonfly starts off in a tadpole-like state, underwater, in the dark, dependent on water for life.  As it matures it comes into the light and discovers the powers it has within its own nature.  

We all grow up in families, in cultures,  in a world full of experiences that impact us in one way or another.  This all shapes our view of the world and how we fit into it.  As children we have no control over what happens to us and often no power to change anything.  Our brains are not fully developed and we don't have enough life experience to make sense of it all.  As we grow into adults we bring all of that with us.  Some of it makes us happy and some of it leaves us feeling less than, incomplete, scared and hopeless.

Like dragonflies, we can come out of our tadpole state and step into the light and take flight.  It takes strength and work to make it from one form into the other.  We may need to ask for help from others to get there.  Therapists.  Spiritual thinkers.  Books.  Movies.  Friends.  Healers.  

All you need is the desire and the willingness to take the next step....into light. 

I Promise MOre Later...

Had a hard workout this morning and got ready to go out a face the cold.  Meetings with a few old friends and when I get back I have some exciting thoughts to share...later!