I find it really helpful to use recorded guided relaxation CDs when I'm feeling anxious and many of my clients have found it helpful as well. If you try to relax on your own sometimes the chatter in your own head about it can interfere with any peace. With guided meditations/relaxations someone elses voice leads you into a peaceful state and then you can take a more passive mind stance.
Everyone may like a different voice or style so check out many different ones and see what works best for you.
Check out some of these links:
http://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/freedownloads2.htm
http://www.quietmindsolutions.com
http://marc.ucla.edu/body.cfm?id=22
YouTube: type in relaxation
http://www.thechillsessions.com
www.healthjourneys.com
There is also a fun iPhone/iPad App called Shrinky: Anxiety that has a good program you can carry around with you. I see there is also a Shrinky: Anger but I haven't tried it.
Let me know if you find anything especially good so I can pass the information on.
Friday, April 29, 2011
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Relationships
Sometimes I am so puzzled by how people manage their relationships. People do not always stick to their values when they act.
If we believe in direct and open communication and resolving conflicts in relationships, why do we, at times, talk behind people's backs or avoid someone when there is a problem?
Why do we listen to what others say about someone else without checking the facts or asking if what they have said is true?
If we don't believe in gossiping why do we engage in it? What's the pull? I think it often happens when we are feeling powerless or scared of rejection. Especially women are trained in this and tend to gossip when they feel uncomfortable, hoping to pull in allies so they don't feel alone.
How do we determine when it's gossip and when it's appropriate to report concerns about someone, whether it's personal or professional?
I, once, early in my career, worked at a clinic where there were a lot of boundary and ethical violations, personal and professional. When I began working there I got an intuitive feeling that there was something crazy going on. But I was young and new and didn't trust myself, so I started talking about the craziness, asking others what they thought. Some of the others working there tried to shame me or shut me up. I did feel shame about this for years.
But this experience taught me that I have a good radar for system craziness and that my talking about it was a healthy thing, not a shameful thing. I was vindicated when we found out that there were many ethical violations going on at the clinic. The other therapists were alerted when I started running my mouth and everyone started to look more closely at some of the improprieties. The unethical behaviors came out and the clinic disbanded after attempting to correct itself using a consultant.
I believe that professionally I have responsibility to maintain good boundaries and make sure my clientele are safe. If I can help another therapist learn healthier boundaries, I feel I have done some good rather than "gossiping" to hurt someone else.
Personally I have to be careful about gossiping. It is attractive when I am feeling unsafe in social relationships. I try to remember I do not need to get grandiose or "one up" on others to feel good about myself. I don't want to hurt another person ever if I can help it, even if I feel hurt by their behavior.
When I can tell the difference and do the right thing I feel proud of myself for having done something good for the world. Life is in balance.
If we believe in direct and open communication and resolving conflicts in relationships, why do we, at times, talk behind people's backs or avoid someone when there is a problem?
Why do we listen to what others say about someone else without checking the facts or asking if what they have said is true?
If we don't believe in gossiping why do we engage in it? What's the pull? I think it often happens when we are feeling powerless or scared of rejection. Especially women are trained in this and tend to gossip when they feel uncomfortable, hoping to pull in allies so they don't feel alone.
How do we determine when it's gossip and when it's appropriate to report concerns about someone, whether it's personal or professional?
I, once, early in my career, worked at a clinic where there were a lot of boundary and ethical violations, personal and professional. When I began working there I got an intuitive feeling that there was something crazy going on. But I was young and new and didn't trust myself, so I started talking about the craziness, asking others what they thought. Some of the others working there tried to shame me or shut me up. I did feel shame about this for years.
But this experience taught me that I have a good radar for system craziness and that my talking about it was a healthy thing, not a shameful thing. I was vindicated when we found out that there were many ethical violations going on at the clinic. The other therapists were alerted when I started running my mouth and everyone started to look more closely at some of the improprieties. The unethical behaviors came out and the clinic disbanded after attempting to correct itself using a consultant.
I believe that professionally I have responsibility to maintain good boundaries and make sure my clientele are safe. If I can help another therapist learn healthier boundaries, I feel I have done some good rather than "gossiping" to hurt someone else.
Personally I have to be careful about gossiping. It is attractive when I am feeling unsafe in social relationships. I try to remember I do not need to get grandiose or "one up" on others to feel good about myself. I don't want to hurt another person ever if I can help it, even if I feel hurt by their behavior.
When I can tell the difference and do the right thing I feel proud of myself for having done something good for the world. Life is in balance.
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