More and more people are requesting phone or Skype sessions for a variety of reasons.
Some clients move, or a therapist moves and the client doesn't want to have to start a new relationship with a therapist when they are already connected and getting the help they've been looking for.
Some clients live in isolated rural areas where there aren't therapists within several hours drives of their home and would benefit from sessions online.
A client may be traveling for work and not be able to make it in to their therapists' office during regular work hours.
Clients go on vacation and have a crisis come up and rather than wait for a session when they get back, their therapist has an opening and they can do a session on Skype.
What do you think? Do you think therapy online or telephonic could meet your needs?
Can you think of other situations where online therapy might be a good or a bad idea?
Concerns:
Is the therapist licensed in the state the client is in? Or do they only have to be licensed where they are located since their work is in that state?
Is the transmission totally secure? Most online and phone communications are relatively safe and secure but, as we know, there are hackers out there and we can't totally guarantee confidentiality.
Is a session between client and therapist online as "good" as one in person? If we don't see each other in 3D can we make sure we are reading body language and voice clearly? Can people make real connections over the internet as easily as they can in person? Would a therapist be able to assess someone accurately?
It's getting to be more and more acceptable. I have done this some and have found it to be pretty much the same as face to face counseling. I love seeing people in my office but there are times it just doesn't work out. It can be easier for some clients and I am comfortable using these venues.
What do you think?
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/09/25/fashion/therapists-are-seeing-patients-online.html?pagewanted=2&_r=1&smid=fb-share
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Friday, September 2, 2011
Dating, Making A Choice, Doubting Yourself
Once we've been in the dating scene for a while, had a marriage or two and suffered some disappointments and surprises, it is easy to start second guessing your choices. Many times this anxiety sends us into relationships for the wrong reasons. I remember one of my early relationships I thought maybe I wasn't so into the guy because of my own childhood issues and it took me 4 years to work my way out of it!
Here are some of the things that people often doubt themselves about:
* Maybe I don't really want a relationship at this point in my life so I am doubting my feelings and commitment to this particular person
* Do I really care for this person or am I just scared to be alone?
* Do I really care for this person or am I just scared to hurt them?
* Do I really care for this person or am I just scared to make the wrong decision?
* Do I really care for this person or am I just scared to try to trust someone else?
* Do I really care for this person or am I just scared to deal with their anger?
* Do I really care for them but fear others will disapprove or think less of me for my choice?
* Do I really care for this person or am I just scared that I will get trapped and not be able to get out if I change my mind?
* What if this person changes and becomes someone I don't like anymore?
* Do I have fears that I won't ever find someone else and maybe am settling for this person?
* Am I letting the other person's enthusiasm rush me into something before I'm ready to decide?
It is important to think about all of these things and if you get started it can be very hard to sort out what the answers really are.
Sometimes we have a pattern of picking people who we know are not a good fit (not good enough in some way, don't share the same values and interests) because we know it will keep us from making a commitment. It's a good way to keep up a wall in a relationship and not allow yourself to get too intimate or lost.
Did you pick this person in order to have doubts to balk at, or do you have doubts about everyone?
Sometimes we pick people we wouldn't really like, who we see as "less than" because we don't think we can expect more.
What is your relationship self esteem level? Are you feeling "not good enough" or "not loveable enough" in some way that keeps you from demanding what you want and need in a relationship? Or do you think you are better than others and no one could meet your expectations? Both of these attitudes get in the way of finding a good match.
Sometimes we have seen harmful relationships in our parent's marriages or friends or our own that make us a little gun shy about putting both feet in.
There are lots of things to fear about making a commitment to someone, with or without marriage:
What if I get trapped and it's not a blessing?
What if we have a lot of anger and fighting?
What if I can't really trust them?
What if someone better comes along?
What if I decide later that I'd be happier without this person and I'm already in?
What if they change into someone else and I don't like them?
It is important to remember that we always have choices. When in doubt it is always good to consider them and weigh out how they feel.
Possible choices:
1. Being single forever
2. Serial monogamy: accepting that your relationships may not last forever but you will enjoy them and commit as long as they work for you
3. Putting off kids and marriage until you are older and more established
4. Marry and have kids now and focus on career later
5. Make a decision and end the relationship and find someone else or take some time off from relationships
In choosing a partner there are some basic qualities that can help ensure that it is a workable and viable relationship. It is a given that people will fight, that someone will feel trapped at some point, that someone else better (or appearing to be better) will come along, that you might feel like you'd be happier on your own and it is also a given that, if in a relationship over time, you will both change. I certainly hope so! Imagine being the same person in 10-20-30 years as you are now? With no growth? With no new thoughts or values entering your mind? With no new skills and experiences to offer?
These are part of the normal development of the individual over a lifetime and of a marriage over time. It is a gift that people can bring new things and new selves into the relationship. It helps to grow both people and the relationship to greater heights.
Brainstorm some of the necessary skills that couples need to have a successful relationship over time:
* A good and respectful problem solving style
* Respectful communication style, even in conflict
* Commitment to growing together
* A commitment to owning one's own issues and part in problems and to working on them to benefit the relationship
* Openness to talk about thoughts, feelings, desires without being put down or shut down
* Liking each other "as you are"
Lots to think about in your anxiety. Maybe more than you were already worried about? You have to evaluate yourself and decide if it is your anxiety that is the issue or the relationship? It takes some time but it is better to do it now than down the road when you have kids and property and lives all intertwined.
If the answer is not clear to you try talking to your partner or getting some counseling or reading some good books. Talk to friends and family and see if others have had the same experience and what they did that worked for them, or didn't.
Some good books to consider are in my recommended readings on my blog:
Is It Love Or Is It Addiction?
The New Rules Of Marriage
The New Codependency
The Verbally Abusive Relationship
And read some of my previous posts.
Listen to yourself and educate yourself. In the end YOU are the only one YOU can trust and count on and it is YOU who will have to live with your decisions.
If you have some thoughts or questions you'd like to share, please become a follower and write something for everyone to read. If you don't want your name used, send me an email at Gina@edinacounselingcenter.com and I will post it anonymously.
Thanks!
Here are some of the things that people often doubt themselves about:
* Maybe I don't really want a relationship at this point in my life so I am doubting my feelings and commitment to this particular person
* Do I really care for this person or am I just scared to be alone?
* Do I really care for this person or am I just scared to hurt them?
* Do I really care for this person or am I just scared to make the wrong decision?
* Do I really care for this person or am I just scared to try to trust someone else?
* Do I really care for this person or am I just scared to deal with their anger?
* Do I really care for them but fear others will disapprove or think less of me for my choice?
* Do I really care for this person or am I just scared that I will get trapped and not be able to get out if I change my mind?
* What if this person changes and becomes someone I don't like anymore?
* Do I have fears that I won't ever find someone else and maybe am settling for this person?
* Am I letting the other person's enthusiasm rush me into something before I'm ready to decide?
It is important to think about all of these things and if you get started it can be very hard to sort out what the answers really are.
Sometimes we have a pattern of picking people who we know are not a good fit (not good enough in some way, don't share the same values and interests) because we know it will keep us from making a commitment. It's a good way to keep up a wall in a relationship and not allow yourself to get too intimate or lost.
Did you pick this person in order to have doubts to balk at, or do you have doubts about everyone?
Sometimes we pick people we wouldn't really like, who we see as "less than" because we don't think we can expect more.
What is your relationship self esteem level? Are you feeling "not good enough" or "not loveable enough" in some way that keeps you from demanding what you want and need in a relationship? Or do you think you are better than others and no one could meet your expectations? Both of these attitudes get in the way of finding a good match.
Sometimes we have seen harmful relationships in our parent's marriages or friends or our own that make us a little gun shy about putting both feet in.
There are lots of things to fear about making a commitment to someone, with or without marriage:
What if I get trapped and it's not a blessing?
What if we have a lot of anger and fighting?
What if I can't really trust them?
What if someone better comes along?
What if I decide later that I'd be happier without this person and I'm already in?
What if they change into someone else and I don't like them?
It is important to remember that we always have choices. When in doubt it is always good to consider them and weigh out how they feel.
Possible choices:
1. Being single forever
2. Serial monogamy: accepting that your relationships may not last forever but you will enjoy them and commit as long as they work for you
3. Putting off kids and marriage until you are older and more established
4. Marry and have kids now and focus on career later
5. Make a decision and end the relationship and find someone else or take some time off from relationships
In choosing a partner there are some basic qualities that can help ensure that it is a workable and viable relationship. It is a given that people will fight, that someone will feel trapped at some point, that someone else better (or appearing to be better) will come along, that you might feel like you'd be happier on your own and it is also a given that, if in a relationship over time, you will both change. I certainly hope so! Imagine being the same person in 10-20-30 years as you are now? With no growth? With no new thoughts or values entering your mind? With no new skills and experiences to offer?
These are part of the normal development of the individual over a lifetime and of a marriage over time. It is a gift that people can bring new things and new selves into the relationship. It helps to grow both people and the relationship to greater heights.
Brainstorm some of the necessary skills that couples need to have a successful relationship over time:
* A good and respectful problem solving style
* Respectful communication style, even in conflict
* Commitment to growing together
* A commitment to owning one's own issues and part in problems and to working on them to benefit the relationship
* Openness to talk about thoughts, feelings, desires without being put down or shut down
* Liking each other "as you are"
Lots to think about in your anxiety. Maybe more than you were already worried about? You have to evaluate yourself and decide if it is your anxiety that is the issue or the relationship? It takes some time but it is better to do it now than down the road when you have kids and property and lives all intertwined.
If the answer is not clear to you try talking to your partner or getting some counseling or reading some good books. Talk to friends and family and see if others have had the same experience and what they did that worked for them, or didn't.
Some good books to consider are in my recommended readings on my blog:
Is It Love Or Is It Addiction?
The New Rules Of Marriage
The New Codependency
The Verbally Abusive Relationship
And read some of my previous posts.
Listen to yourself and educate yourself. In the end YOU are the only one YOU can trust and count on and it is YOU who will have to live with your decisions.
If you have some thoughts or questions you'd like to share, please become a follower and write something for everyone to read. If you don't want your name used, send me an email at Gina@edinacounselingcenter.com and I will post it anonymously.
Thanks!
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