For many years I have been using the Power & Control Wheel to help people understand more about abuse. It isn't just about hitting but abusers try to control and hurt in many ways. At the center of abuse is the desire to have power and control over another person. The spokes of the wheel show the other areas of life that are commonly attacked.
Here is the link for a great website with a lot of information and a photo of the Power & Control Wheel.
www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm#.Ti9lnGUeE9Y.facebook"
Friday, July 29, 2011
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Being Is Enough, Melody Beattie 7/21 And My Comments
We are not always clear about what we are experiencing, or why.
In the midst of grief, transition, transformation, learning, healing or discipline--it's difficult to have perspective.
That's because we have not learned the lesson yet. We are in the midst of it. The gift of clarity has not yet arrived.
Our need to control can manifest itself as a need to know exactly what's going on. We cannot always know. Sometimes, we need to let ourselves be and trust that clarity will come later, in retrospect.
If we are confused, that is what we are supposed to be. The confusion is temporary. We shall see. The lesson, the purpose, shall reveal itself--in time, in its own time.
It will all make perfect sense--later.
Today I will stop straining to know what I don't know, to see what I can't see, to understand what I don't yet understand. I will trust that being is sufficient, and let go of my need to figure things out.
My thoughts on this are that even when we are struggling with self defeating behaviors and confusion about our direction, that we need to "trust our process". By that I mean that I believe that we all want to be happier and have better lives and, even when we are consciously making bad decisions or feeling out of control, that subconsciously we are still working in our own behalf to achieve a better life with better balance. When we don't know which way to go or what decisions to make we can step back, take a deep breath, take a First Step, and wait. The urgency we often feel to make decisions or do something is often just an internally created pressure. Often there will be no permanent repercussions from doing nothing.
Trust that the YOU that wants to be THE BEST PERSON YOU WANT TO BE will be working in your best interests and you will, eventually, get to where you want to be as long as you continue to work on getting to know yourself and your circumstances better so you can make better conscious choices.
In the midst of grief, transition, transformation, learning, healing or discipline--it's difficult to have perspective.
That's because we have not learned the lesson yet. We are in the midst of it. The gift of clarity has not yet arrived.
Our need to control can manifest itself as a need to know exactly what's going on. We cannot always know. Sometimes, we need to let ourselves be and trust that clarity will come later, in retrospect.
If we are confused, that is what we are supposed to be. The confusion is temporary. We shall see. The lesson, the purpose, shall reveal itself--in time, in its own time.
It will all make perfect sense--later.
Today I will stop straining to know what I don't know, to see what I can't see, to understand what I don't yet understand. I will trust that being is sufficient, and let go of my need to figure things out.
My thoughts on this are that even when we are struggling with self defeating behaviors and confusion about our direction, that we need to "trust our process". By that I mean that I believe that we all want to be happier and have better lives and, even when we are consciously making bad decisions or feeling out of control, that subconsciously we are still working in our own behalf to achieve a better life with better balance. When we don't know which way to go or what decisions to make we can step back, take a deep breath, take a First Step, and wait. The urgency we often feel to make decisions or do something is often just an internally created pressure. Often there will be no permanent repercussions from doing nothing.
Trust that the YOU that wants to be THE BEST PERSON YOU WANT TO BE will be working in your best interests and you will, eventually, get to where you want to be as long as you continue to work on getting to know yourself and your circumstances better so you can make better conscious choices.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
iPhone Apps For Relaxation
I found a couple of free apps in the App Store that people might find helpful.
One is Breathe2Relax which takes you through different relation breathing exercises.
The other is T2 MoodTracker which helps you pay attention to emotions throughout the day and over time.
I found them both on some websites where there is help for vets but these can be helpful for many people.
And don't forget that there are also the Shrinky Anxiety and Shrinky Anger Management apps that are good but cost some money.
Enjoy!
One is Breathe2Relax which takes you through different relation breathing exercises.
The other is T2 MoodTracker which helps you pay attention to emotions throughout the day and over time.
I found them both on some websites where there is help for vets but these can be helpful for many people.
And don't forget that there are also the Shrinky Anxiety and Shrinky Anger Management apps that are good but cost some money.
Enjoy!
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Dating Tips
A friend asked me recently about his attraction to a woman he knows is in a committed relationship. He thought it wouldn't hurt him to fantasize about her since he doesn't have any other prospects.He is also admitting to not feeling so good about himself since he is (like the rest of us) getting older and feeling like he might not be attractive to women. And he thinks that the women he'd find attractive wouldn't be interested in him.
So I wrote him a few thoughts which I thought I'd share here for others:
I think it does do you harm to fantasize...A) it makes you more hooked in to the unavailable person than is good for you, B) it makes you less available to other available women emotionally and C) no one will ever match up to your fantasy of them...that’s why they call it “fantasy”, you know?
As we age we are feeling like we are getting fatter and duller looking. We have to grieve the loss of our youthful bodies and come to terms with accepting the body we have.
The way I figure it, there is someone for everyone, out there. Everywhere I go, I see people that you’d think would be totally unacceptable for everyone and yet, even they have someone. So I think we always have to remember that there is someone out there who will love us just the way we are and stop trying to fit the square peg in a round hole. So we need to accept ourselves for who we are and look for the person that loves us that way.
And it sounds like you need to change up how you look at women and maybe focus less on looks and more on the person they are and who can make you happy even if they are not gorgeous.
Anyone else struggling with these issues? Or have other ones?
So I wrote him a few thoughts which I thought I'd share here for others:
I think it does do you harm to fantasize...A) it makes you more hooked in to the unavailable person than is good for you, B) it makes you less available to other available women emotionally and C) no one will ever match up to your fantasy of them...that’s why they call it “fantasy”, you know?
As we age we are feeling like we are getting fatter and duller looking. We have to grieve the loss of our youthful bodies and come to terms with accepting the body we have.
The way I figure it, there is someone for everyone, out there. Everywhere I go, I see people that you’d think would be totally unacceptable for everyone and yet, even they have someone. So I think we always have to remember that there is someone out there who will love us just the way we are and stop trying to fit the square peg in a round hole. So we need to accept ourselves for who we are and look for the person that loves us that way.
And it sounds like you need to change up how you look at women and maybe focus less on looks and more on the person they are and who can make you happy even if they are not gorgeous.
Anyone else struggling with these issues? Or have other ones?
Friday, July 1, 2011
Whoo hoot! I am on to page three of my book! It's a miracle!
I am trying to write an ebook on how to Date Smarter. Are you into it?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Subscribe to a feed 
