Codependency

I have been thinking about writing some thoughts on codependency but I've been too busy to do it. What does that tell you??? Pretty funny when you think about it.
So I'll talk about facing my fear of public speaking instead.
Tonight I gave a talk to about 250 servicemen and women who have just returned from deployment. I was scheduled to do a powerpoint on Anger Management. I threw out the powerpoint. I think one more powerpoint in the day might just have put them over the edge. They applauded that one.
I'm pretty good just talking off the cuff but giving a "presentation" makes me nervous and my mind shuts down. So in the past I would write it all out in case I got the brain freeze thing going on. And what happens then? Monotony. Whenever I prepare a 30-60 minute talk I put enough together for a 10 week college course. I want it to be perfect...to tell people everything they could possibly want or need to know.
I have always wanted to be one of those people who can tell funny stories and say clever things that people want to write down and take home and put on their refrigerators.
As I was sitting with my group of colleagues, waiting to do my talk, I was hysterical! I had everyone laughing and interacting and we were having a great time. I told them how nervous I get doing these talks and they all gave me great ideas and encouraged me and said they'd be there to help and we got all excited about the show we could put on Some of the ideas were gutwrenchingly funny.
But by the time I had to go talk I was worn out. The soldiers were worn out too. I tried some of the ideas we had all talked about, lost track of time...I mean, I didn't know if I had been talking 5 minutes or 45! They couldn't hook my computer up to the projector so the idea of using a funny video as a way to start off the talk went straight into the trash.
When I got stuck I turned to my colleagues who gave me ideas of what o do next.
I had them roleplaying, shouting out ideas of what might help them deal with anger, I had them standing and doing stretches to loosen up the body parts they store their stress in...and they were laughing!
I left thinking I have just done the most disjointed presentation of the century (thankfully that's only 10 years now) and was met with compliments and comments from the staff that they hadn't heard them laughing and interacting so much....not just al day, but hardly ever.
So I took the leap of faith that my ability to "wing it" and be funny might actually fill up half an hour and I did it....not perfectly....but for some reason other people did not notice all the mistakes I made. And maybe some did but still thought it was a good time.
Maybe, with a little more practice, I can actually be so good at this that I don't lose consciousness out of fear, and people will have my quotes at home on their refrigerators after all.