A friend asked me recently about his attraction to a woman he knows is in a committed relationship. He thought it wouldn't hurt him to fantasize about her since he doesn't have any other prospects.He is also admitting to not feeling so good about himself since he is (like the rest of us) getting older and feeling like he might not be attractive to women. And he thinks that the women he'd find attractive wouldn't be interested in him.
So I wrote him a few thoughts which I thought I'd share here for others:
I think it does do you harm to fantasize...A) it makes you more hooked in to the unavailable person than is good for you, B) it makes you less available to other available women emotionally and C) no one will ever match up to your fantasy of them...that’s why they call it “fantasy”, you know?
As we age we are feeling like we are getting fatter and duller looking. We have to grieve the loss of our youthful bodies and come to terms with accepting the body we have.
The way I figure it, there is someone for everyone, out there. Everywhere I go, I see people that you’d think would be totally unacceptable for everyone and yet, even they have someone. So I think we always have to remember that there is someone out there who will love us just the way we are and stop trying to fit the square peg in a round hole. So we need to accept ourselves for who we are and look for the person that loves us that way.
And it sounds like you need to change up how you look at women and maybe focus less on looks and more on the person they are and who can make you happy even if they are not gorgeous.
Anyone else struggling with these issues? Or have other ones?
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