Making Lemonade Out Of Chaos

I am a well organized slob. I am not the person who puts things away right after using them. Never was, mostly sure I never will be.
Over the years of living alone, living with a family, being a single mother, I have gotten better. I do realize that if I don't clean things up, they will just sit there. I have come to appreciate that I am living in a community, even if that community is only me. Our households are mini communities that need to have some order, rules, expectations and schedule or it would all go to hell in a handbasket.
I made rules for myself and I made rules for my kids. I have my own tolerance level for how much mess and chaos I can take in my kitchen, bathroom, bedroom.....and then I clean like a mad fool.
I'd like to say I admire people who keep it clean all the time, but truthfully, I don't. Seems too sterile and boring to me. There's nothing like the surprise of finding a book you've been wanting to read under a pile of other important documents....or a $5 bill in a pocket! And, Omigod!, it is so great to sit in a clean house after you've had a purge! I'm not sure if I'd get that same rush from having it clean all the time. I'd miss it.
Lots of couples fight about which way is "the Right Way", (and, yes, they do use Capitals!), because so often one is a slob and the other a neatnik. I'm here to say there is no Right or Wrong so you're going to have to figure out how to negotiate it out.
I like using the "community" framework. Like you can do whatever you want with your own belongings and space as long as it doesn't impact the community. I used to tell my kids they could do whatever they wanted in their own rooms as long as they did not ruin the property in their rooms (which belonged to me) or keep community property (like dishes and DVDs) shut up in there.
So it's not OK for someone to bring food in their room and leave it to rot and attract ants and other creatures because it ties up a plate someone else might need and it damages the foundation of the house or carpet or mattress which costs money to replace. It's not OK to sleep on a bed without sheets because it ruins the mattress...get it?
So with couples, once you can agree there is no Right or Wrong way you can start figuring out how to develop a Respectful Community in which everyone lives and feels like a winner.
The Slob can be given specific surfaces on and in which they can clutter and be messy that are not common space, interfering with the others who live in the "community". They can choose to not open their mail for weeks as long as it doesn't ruin someone elses credit because they aren't paying bills on time, or at all. They can not do laundry and live out of the clothes hamper if they want, as long as their clothes do not make a "clothes mountain" in the bedroom, bathroom or any other common space. If they have a closet that they don't share, they can throw it all in there and not infringe on their partner. If they share a closet, they can only clutter their half or perhaps there is a way to put up a divider so the Neatnik doesn't have to see it.
The Neatnik can have certain areas that are always clean and orderly. They can decide which chores they are totally inflexible about and choose to do those themselves. If they want anyone else to do the chore they have to learn to let go of how well it is done and appreciate that they don't have to do it.
My inner Slob has learned that I don't have the right to slob all over everyone elses space. I don't have the right to have my mess affect someone else. But I do have the right to not be neat. And I don't want to feel shamed about it. I'm a Slob and I'm Proud! And I am also responsible to myself and others and developed systems for making sure I get my bills paid, my laundry done, my promises kept. I have a filing system so I know where to find things even though I may only file once every few months, or weeks depending on my mood. I don't expect others to keep my business taken care of, to clean up after me, to remember all the details of my life and anticipate my every need.
See if you can figure out how to be responsible for yourself in your relationships and your personal business. I think you'll feel better about yourself all around. Ask a therapist for help if you can't figure this out on your own. Some of us are pretty good at it. ;-)