Online Dating: Setting Boundaries

Often the idea of these first blind dates can be terrifying. You don't know what to expect, worry about whether or not the person will like you or if you'll be lucky enough to meet someone you might like. How should you act? What should you wear? Where should you go? How can you make sure you're safe?

My recommendation is to set up your own boundaries and expectations about dating before you even make the first contact. And be yourself. Be yourself even more on the first dates than you might be in your daily life.

Decide which times you have available during the week to go on a date ahead of time and don't change it when the other person's schedule doesn't match up....look at the next week if nothing works this week. There should not be a sense of urgency. If there is that should raise red flags for you. What's the hurry?

Decide ahead of time which places you think would be comfortable for you to meet a stranger on a first, second or third date. While you can be open to other suggestions it is always good to be clear in your own mind what you will feel comfortable with. If you are a person who finds herself/himself always giving in to others, you might decide that it is not an option, initially, to negotiate.

Decide ahead of time what your time limit will be for the date. Generally, even if you really like someone, you don't need more than 1 1/2-2 hours on a first date. Sometimes when people really hit it off they want to let the first date go on and on and sometimes a short meeting for coffee stretches out to dinner and then to drinks and then to bed. Not really the best way for a relationship to start off, we all agree and know that, right? Easy to do though.

But if you really want to start off right and find a good person, stick to your limits and expect them to stick to theirs.

Decide ahead of time how much time you think is good between date #1 and date #2 and how much texting and phone talking and emailing you think is healthy or comfortable for you and stick to it.

Talk openly and honestly about who you are. Resist the temptation to "be the person they might want" and let it all hang out. If they are going to like you for who you are in a long term relationship, let them know now who you really are.

Once you are clear about what qualities and characteristics you are looking for, write yourself up a checklist and when you get back from your first dates go through the checklist and see whether or not the person you went on the date with fits or not. If there are a lot of things that don't match up but you really liked the person, think about what that really means. Why would you be attracted to someone who doesn't have some or most of the qualities that are important to you???

As always I appreciate your feedback and requests for topics for my blogs!